hestiaschild: (Typical)
 Got the swap stuff, talked to a friend, even though I had to go, and I told her I would call her back, but I never got the chance. I hate the fact that my life takes up so much of my time. So hectic ,so hurried.

I called her because she was the friend who I haven't talked to for the longest time. I have a running list. If I haven't called you yet, it's because I have so many other people to check in with.

If this sounds pompous, I really hope you can understand that it is not my intention. I just got an ear blistering from my stepmother and father day before yesterday because I don't call very often, and I very rarely have time to call on birthdays...so even my own FAMILY is complaining about how I have fallen off the face of the Earth.

I can't help it. I guess I could, but then I would be so tired I couldn't function. I would much rather take a small bite and chew it well instead of taking a big bite and choking.

I know that doesn't make sense, but hey. I'm doing what I can.

It's just that I want to be everywhere and doing what I can for everybody...and I used to be able to.

Now I'm married, and I'm living with the Bolivians and the other white meat. Living with family takes up a LOT of time...and sometimes...all I want is to be able to just take some time for myself and relax. Just to go within, and do a little self-check, take notice of what's changed, what's still the same...

I don't know. I just don't want people to think that I'm ignoring them, or mad at them, or just don't want to be with them.

I do. I really really do. I just need more time. Or money, so that I can quit my job and dedicate my life to being there for my loved ones. That would be good.

I want to start my own business so that I can take more control of my day. That would be fantastic...

I was thinking about it last night. I just don't know how to get started really. I know the plan, I know how you're supposed to do it...I just don't know how I'm going to get the capital to get it started.

Maybe with the declining economy, the gov't will be willing to help me out. I have to look into it. 

It will have to happen after tax season, though.

Here's to a crazy, hare-brained scheme!!

Date: 2008-02-06 06:58 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] hhabilis.livejournal.com
Nice honesty.
Yup... time.
The Equalizer.
Rich or poor
Imprisoned or free
Whether doing drudgery or on vacation...
All clocks tick at the same pace.

I found that I could live more with less $.
I do freelance work from home and make time for whatever.
Not too hectic..
except when I procrastinate...
like now...
when I should be working
oh well...
time marches on regardless
follow your highest excitement

Date: 2008-02-06 08:08 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] hestiaschild.livejournal.com
Clocks may tick at the same pace, but perception is what most people complain about. It's like I said before, I have found the fountain of youth, and it is in my office. Time goes by so slowly there, while life outside of it flows like a raging river.

Perception of time, perception of life, as of right now are for me, intertwined. No matter how long I have, (or don't-again, it's all about perception) I want to be able to say, without the slightest doubt, that I did the best I could. Yes, I have made mistakes in the past. However, with the information I had available at the time, I did what I thought was right for me. Looking back, I sometimes smack myself in the head, but that is the very definition of experience, no? Me, this being with almost 28 years of experience, can't reflect on the past and pass judgement on the one with only 17 years experience. It's unfair. I can't change it, I can only learn, grow, and move on...until that time comes in which I can't go any further.

I'm rambling.



Date: 2008-02-06 08:50 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] hhabilis.livejournal.com
And yes...
Time is elastic too. I see you see.
Consider the fly and the elephant...
equally using their time respectively.
Each living out their existence as determined by their own clocks.
I can imagine the fly's watch... marked by days rather than minutes..
And the elephant's watch... seconds are minutes...
And in this amazing universe...
Our watches... on our watch...
A mere blink in the cosmic eye.

Do your do..
for you...
and others.

It's all we have - for now.

Not to be ageist but...
I'm 45 now.
Much history of time in those years.

Well... don't know where I'm going with that or this... I'm a rambler too.

AIM me sometime.
I use a Mac.
hhabillis@mac.com

Date: 2008-02-07 07:32 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] kellita-solita.livejournal.com
I'm not going to go philosophical hehehe, just tell you I totally understand. Tax season in your profession is rough, and In-laws definitely suck most of the time. So, I don't blame you in the least for needing some time. :) The day would seem so much more productive if we could figure out how to do without the whole sleeping thing. I have actually been officially told not to work by my doctor now. So, I have a lot of extra time on my hands. Maybe I can send you some UPS or something. Lol. Hopefully you can find your balance soon. You deserve to relax!

Date: 2008-02-07 07:59 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] hestiaschild.livejournal.com
Thanks, I appreciate the thoughts, and the understanding.

Why are you on bedrest? Everything is okay, right?

I'll try to call you soon. Right now, things are just...well...yeah.

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